Hi Tom,

And I guess being judgemental about others is also not helping me, especially in the family circles. At times I feel my patience is weaning out trying to be nice to everyone.

Actually, I don’t think you need to be nice to everyone. I mean, you can never please everybody – there will be always people who won’t like you, even if you are a great guy, and even if you are nice to them. There are rude people, or people with their own issues, who project things on you… anyway, the hard truth is that you can never be liked by everyone.

Its a task for me to accept people who do not match or reciprocate the values that I am imbibed with- in fact i rarely see people who could match the same set of values and principles.

You mean people are rude and impolite with you, are late for appointments, don’t keep their word, don’t respect you, are dishonest? (what I listed would be the opposite of the values that you are imbibed with)

If they are, you don’t need to be nice to them. You need to perhaps talk to them and clarify that their behavior is rude, specially if they are family. You don’t need to spare them from the truth. If other people are rude and disrespectful to you, you can set boundaries with them too. No need to be nice with bullies, for example.

Most if not all are least bothered about the things that I care the most, but I find it a very difficult to be elusive.

If you care about treating people with kindness, and others don’t and are treating others rudely, then you have the right to speak up and not be elusive.

A different issue is if others don’t share your political views, and this is what triggers you and you have a hard time being polite. That’s when you would profit from more patience and diplomacy. However, if what bothers you is people being rude and disrespectful, then you don’t need to tolerate it but can do something to address it.