<p class=”p2″>Anita – I’m sorry to read that you have also suffered pain., and I really appreciate the time you have taken to write back to me, your words are helping me, thank you 🙏</p>
<p class=”p2″>Today I sat with my sister – my Nephews mother –  I managed to put my own pain aside and tried to comfort her. I told her about my vision of the light, she asked me to describe it, but it was hard to put in to words; it was as though he was the centre and the light radiated from him, like the rays from a beautiful sunrise. She did take comfort in this. </p>
<p class=”p2″>My sister told me the last conversation that she had with her son, it was painful to hear. He was clearly distressed. He talked about growing up, how bad he had felt, not living with  his own family, etc..he thanked my sister for all that she’d done for him, said he’d loved her. He also mentioned Diazepam…</p>
<p class=”p2″>It’s usually in the evenings when I go over what happened in my head, I am then overcome with a sense of terror, I’m trapped in a nightmare and I have panic attacks. </p>
<p class=”p2″>I never knew that this type of pain and darkness existed – and I’ve suffered depressive episodes and Suicide thoughts, this is far worse. My whole family are devastated and that is also hard to witness. </p>
<p class=”p2″>I want to be stronger to enable myself to help them. I am angry and ashamed with myself that I wasn’t stronger over these past few years. I could’ve made a difference. I have lost myself, withdrawn from people, suffer social anxiety. I thought I had nothing to give.</p>
<p class=”p2″>Judy – I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered the loss of your Daughter. </p>
<p class=”p2″>Thank you for also taking the time to write to me.</p>
<p class=”p2″>My Nephew was studying Drama, he was a very talented, we all thought that one day he would be famous. He was very popular in his home town and also when he moved away. On Sunday evening, all his friends held a vigil at a special place he used to visit, which was high up on a mound overlooking the city. I’ve seen pictures and it is very  sad but beautiful. There was an area carpeted with candles and flowers, surrounded by so many people, so much love. I expect people from the city below would’ve seen the mound all lit up, like a beacon…They played his favourite music and released  lanterns.</p>
<p class=”p2″>I’m sorry to hear of your struggles with keeping a job. You say you also hear your Daughters voice, telling you that only love matters. I Believe that. This is the worse thing that has ever happened to me and all that matters right now is the love that we have for each other. </p>
<p class=”p2″>Does this pain get more bearable, I know it won’t ever go away? Did you or are you having counselling? Did it help? I’m not sure how to help my sister.</p>
<p class=”p2″>I really do sense that you have so much to give. Maybe that’s your purpose in life, to help others?</p>