Dear Seaturtle:

I will reply thoroughly tomorrow morning, but for now, in regard to: “Is being with N too similar to living with my father for her?“-

– She is re-experiencing her  relationship with her father while in a relationship with N ever since it became a long-enough relationship, longer than all your past relationships. It was bound to happen no matter who you’d be in a romantic relationship, once the relationship lasts long-enough and you become .. (too) attached to the man.

So, I don’t think that there is something wrong about N, as a partner for you.. it’s just that you’ve very attached to him for a long time. and this, which I just boldfaced is why you want to break up with him/ run away.

anita