Dear Priyan:

You are welcome.

(I will be adding the boldface feature to the following quotes): “In this month I have been totally honest with her about my feelings and intentions. I told her how I felt about her the first night we met and what made me change my mind and develop actual romantic feelings for her”-

– I think that she has not been totally honest with you about her feelings and intentions.

“Every time I reminded her about our FWB agreement when she wanted something too intimate her response would be ‘Don’t worry, I will never expect anything from you other than your physical presence and sex‘. So, I assumed we both were on the same page”-

– Repeatedly (“every time”), she wanted something too intimate (not FWB-congruent), repeatedly you reminded her of the FWB agreement.. and repeatedly, she told you what I think is not true. I think that she did expect something from you other than your physical presence and sex,. I think (at this point)  that her expectation/ intent/ goal was that you will develop romantic feelings for her. Not for the purpose of entering a traditional, romantic relationship with you, but for the purpose of her feeling in-control of you and of the relationship.

“I know for a fact that her behavior towards me did not change after I said I only wanted sex from her“- she kept her romantic gestures going for as long as you didn’t express a romantic interest in her.

“What baffles me”- when one is dishonestly manipulated.. one is baffled.

“What baffles me is she seemed to have lost interest in me only after I confessed my feelings“- when you confessed your romantic feelings for her, her goal/ interest (that you will want to be in a romantic relationship with her) was satisfied: she was in control. To maintain her control, she withdrew her romantic gestures (keeping you wanting what you can not get).

“She never outright came and told me she had feelings for me. That is what made me think if I had imagined her feelings for me”- when one is dishonestly manipulative, one does not says things outright (openly and without holding back), but the opposite.

“I told her how I…  develop(ed) actual romantic feelings for her. She heard all this and said she had seen me only as a friend since the beginning and never saw me as potential romantic partner. I went to the extent of even asking her if she felt any connection when we had sex and her reply was: ‘No, I just enjoyed the act’“-

– I don’t know if she ever saw you as a potential romantic partner. I think that she wanted you to want to be her romantic partner. It may be that she has been turning around the traditional dynamic of the woman being the one interested in romance vs the man being interested in sex,  taking on the.. strong gender role/ the-one-in-control in this dynamic.

“Do you still think that I did not imagine her feelings for me? After hearing her answer about the sex,  I can’t possible imagine she had feelings for me once”-

– I think that you didn’t imagine that her expressions “(wanting you to spend the night/ weekend with her, sending you amorous text messages, etc.) were romantic, I think that they were romantic expressions. At this point though, I don’t know if those expressions were sincere or strictly manipulative.

I will now re-read your original post, looking for answers: shortly after you told her in the beginning that you would like to seriously date her, she “came back after a week and said that she was not ready to emotionally invest in a relationship, but, she would be willing to casually hook up as she found me attractive”-

– she made you an offer most men will not refuse: to casually hook up with a woman they are attracted to. At this point of my developing understanding,  I think that she set a trap for you when she offered you this irresistible offer, and the trap was for you to end up being- as you are now- emotionally invested in a romantic relationship with her.

When she left the country for 5 weeks, “She made it a point to video call me everyday and ask me about my day. She would also regularly send me amorous text messages that strongly hinted romantic feelings“- she didn’t want her.. work (all she did to cause you to emotionally invest in a romantic relationship with her) to lose momentum because of physical distance, so she kept herself in your mind by frequent contact and she upped her romantic gestures.

“(I) confessed mine to her… We still continue to meet for sex. She does text me everyday but she had stopped sending me those amorous texts and stopped using my pet name. Her calls have gotten less frequent“- you confessing your romantic feelings= her mission accomplished. After that.. her goal is maintenance: to keep you wanting her romantically by keeping you from getting what you want.

The last part of your original post: “The last few weeks have been really difficult for me. I know the right thing to do would be cut ties with her and walk away, but, I am having a hard time accepting what happened”-

– It will be easier to accept what happened when you understand what happened.

“I understand how FWB works“-

– I think that the central theme of the relationship has not how FWB works, but how she works: she uses the FWB factor as a way for her to be in-control of you and of the relationship via dishonest manipulation.

“How did I end up in this situation?“- you didn’t know.. how she works..

Do you think I understand the situation correctly, in part or in whole? (I am checking my understanding with you).

“How do I let this go and deal with the pain?“- let’s talk about it further, shall we?

anita