I know this thread is old but any replies would be appreciated.

This thread has given me a lot of hope, I also saw a similar reply on Reddit about the anxious avoidant attachment style and how this can cause this.

My boyfriend of nearly 3 years suddenly broke down and told me he doesn’t know how he feels anymore.

We’ve been together nearly 3 years and were talking for a year before.

He said he started thinking about moving into a house together, we’ve been living together for a year and have been talking and preparing to move to a house for months, we were both beyond excited. He then started feeling anxious when thinking about it, he felt anxious when just thinking about things he loved related to me.

He felt like this for days and eventually broke down and told me, over the coming days he said he doesn’t want this anymore and needs to be alone.

It’s a very serious and committed relationship, we knew before even meeting that we loved each other and told each other this. It was instant. We’ve talked about getting married, have given each other jewellery short of engagement rings (they essentially mean the same thing), we’ve named future children. I know he’s my soulmate. We both knew this. I felt it before we even met, he said that he knew he wanted to be with me forever before we did too.

Our souls have connected, I feel like I’ve always known him, and he’s said the same.

Then suddenly he said things feel different and he needs to be alone and doesn’t want this anymore.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect, we both have things we’ve discussed working on in therapy. But we were probably in the best place, we talked things through where we used to argue.

I’ve been insecure, he has also albeit not to the same extent at all, he’s had anger issues that he’s felt guilty over, but so have I.

I know he’s the one. But I have thought before how I think I miss never having really had the opportunity to be young and single and independent. But I never cared because I’m so in love and every day with him is the most beautiful day I could imagine.

He was abused and abandoned as a child and teenager and has always been very independent because he’s had to be, he’s also based self worth on others and never coped well alone.

Right now I’ve given him time and gone away for a while, we are still in contact and he tells me he loves me, he misses me, he still wears his bracelet.

He said that he feels like we’re just friends, that it doesn’t feel romantic anymore, we are very intimate often, even after this has happened. He said I’m still the most special person in his life and always will be, that we are the most connected, that he could never love anyone more than he loves me. He said we are still our own word that we use for soulmates.

He’s had emotional breakdowns over the thought of me not being in life, over the thought of me moving away, he said that he’d be destroyed and broken forever. That he needs me. That the thought of being without me makes his stomach hurt.

He’s also said before he used to know where I was without having to look for me but now he doesn’t know where I am in our flat for example, that he can’t feel me, that we aren’t connected how we were. That before a part of him was missing when he wasn’t with me.

I don’t know what happened. He said he doesn’t want other people, he just wants to be alone.

He said he doesn’t know what he wants in the future and just knows right now he doesn’t want this. I should mention that he is very impulsive.

I keep going through phases of being destroyed and hopeful, clinging to the hope that we just need time. Maybe we just need to be our own people and we will come back together. We have become very dependent on one another. We spend all of our time together, him sometimes socialising with friends but me not.

He said he thought of the word and idea of a break, but he can’t say if it’s just time that’s needed or if we’ll get back together.

He’s said the thought of that if it’s meant to be, it will happen again is keeping him from breaking down completely. That it gives him hope.

I should mention that he’s spoken about how he’s never been okay alone, that maybe he needs to learn to be okay on his own.

He’s had a tough time recently with work and depression, not knowing where he’s going in life. He’s said he needs to figure out who he is and what he wants.

I know we are meant to be together, I feel it. I feel hopeful that we will come back – he’s my person. I’m just so scared.

Could this be caused by avoidant attachment style? How do we go from here? We are planning to move out from our home separately and live our lives alone but with each still in them as friends.

He’s said that he’s terrified of losing me but knew if he ignored how he felt that he would. He broke down at the thought of needing time and years later being ready but I’ve moved on. He said it calms him to think if it’s meant to be we will be together again, and that if I’m with someone else he would wait.

Honestly I just want him. But I love him so much that I’m okay with however this is. I just want to be in life and watch him succeed. He deserves it and is the most beautiful person I’ve ever met or could ever meet.

Do you think we just need time? It gives me so much hope to think this, so much hope that I feel it so deeply.

I should mention that although it’s always be equal he was all in first. I was only a step behind.

I feel an urge to bring the anxious avoidant attachment style to his attention and see what he thinks, does he need to come to this realisation himself? I really think this might have been what has happened here. Does he need time and therapy to see this?