Dear Healing Seaturtle:

Overnight stay at the hospital (3 hours sleep), five incisions, sore and one ovary preserved-  – Less sore and rested this morning, I hope..???

“I am so happy about that and that I made the right decision to wait“- the saying goes, good things happen to those who wait. In yes magazine. org/ the science behind why good things really do happen to people who wait, the writer includes studies and surveys that indicate that patience (patiently waiting instead of impulsively reacting) is good for our physical and mental health, and it leads to long-term success in achieving our goals. (“The road to achievement is a long one, and those without patience—who want to see results immediately—may not be willing to walk it…”).

“The past month my mom and grandma have been asking me about my surgery and so I’ve given them updates, but my dad never sent one message. Last night he tried to blame me that he didn’t know the details…The messages are long… he called me self absorbed for thinking he would text me. He brought up the copay he paid for and said he felt unappreciated. What a throw back to housecleaning’s!.. By the end he said ‘let’s agree to disagree’“-

– for crying out loud, what a self-absorbed, unempathetic person! While you were at the hospital, before or after surgery, he sent you LONG, argumentative messages and tried to guilt trip you (instead of a short I love you message or two)! I don’t remember you giving an example more indicative of what you referred to in the past as his narcissism. His concern was not your health but for.. his feelings. He wanted his argument to Win.. and yours (while heading or recovering from a surgery) to Lose.

“I held my ground, third eye open… I trusted hatch and showed her last night that this was not true. I am proud of how I responded, he evaded responsibility in every single way… I did my best and he didn’t understand“- good job at trusting hatch, and holding your ground with an open third eye! He did not understand because his 3rd eye is closed.

“What was an interesting revelation for me however, was remember when we spoke about N preferring me to be weak? How he was attracted to me being weak but then resulted in him not respecting me when I was ‘weak.’ Well last night after holding my ground with several messages in return, I had a different result than before, ‘house cleaning’ typically ended with me crying and feeling I was at fault. Last night I didn’t give in and his last message was quite interesting, he said: ‘OK well I’m tired too. Know that I love you and we disagree about this and that’s OK. I’m going to write part of this off as you and me being very similar (a screaming/ crying emoji). I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me and I know you know the same about me. I think we can both do a little better job of communicating with each other in general. Get some rest’“- it is amazing how he makes himself SOUND oh so mature and fair a MOMENT after he expressed acute self-absorption and self-centeredness. He knows how to say all the right things after saying.. all the wrong things..  and before saying all the wrong things yet again (in the future) because the right-things were only a presentation, not the real deal.

F did not and will not open his 3rd eye and get his crown chakra to do some heavy-duty work because you stood your ground and displayed strength. Like a spider and other highly instinctive animals, he will adjust to your new behavior, that’s all. I don’t think that he can see anyone but himself.. well, he can’t see anyone on the other side of his (triggered) hurt/ unappreciated feelings.

He is similar to N, they both often enough said all the right things.. verbal presentations that make then appear like good, stand up men (“my partner is a stand up man, no question“, Oct 6, 2023). You did question this though, it for a long, long time, because your gut was telling you that N’s positive-sounding verbal presentations were just that- verbal presentations that did not present the true combo of his motivations, feelings, and understandings.

“I just had a revelation in that moment how similar he and N are. If I don’t eventually fall for the manipulation and take the fault, the next best thing they do is basically call it a fair match, yet still 0 responsibility. All his excuses reminded me of N. Healing seaturtle“- healing indeed and in more than one way!

anita