I can’t believe how many posts there are here. And it is both disheartening to see that so many people have such a similar experience to me, and somehow a good feeling to know that I am not alone in this. It really really does make you feel crazy in these situations, and no one around me is able to understand, which just makes you feel even more crazy. the man I love got married last week. I found out because I saw a reel posted on instagram, despite the fact that we talk daily in an attempt to be ‘friends’. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why he didnt want to tell me or had a hard time getting the courage to tell me, especially since he is not happy with the marriage at all (she is an ex who cheated on him but he never told his parents what happened until he met me, when he tried and failed to convince them to not make him marry her). BUT, I also am so incredibly upset that he wasnt able to get the courage to tell me beforehand. And I know that the correct solution is to stop talking to him, to stop being friends, and I have tried this before a couple of times. And he is incredibly good about this, when I ask him to not contact me, he does listen, and he has apologized countless times for the hurt he caused, and takes responsibility for it. He has referred to his situation as bullshit, and said that sometimes he hates his parents for doing this, but he still is not able to stand up to them. I believe that if he did do what he wanted they would at the very least threaten to k*ll themselves, if not actually do it, so i can also understand his decision. If i truly believed my parents would do that because of a decision I made, I would probably not make that decision. but understanding all of this, and knowing that he doesnt want to be with her, knowing that he still loves me, knowing that he will do anything and I do mean anything else for me, does not do much for the feeling of being crazy or for how much it hurts.

there was never really a chance of his parents accepting me, since I am white and they are very orthodox gujarati parents. and never in my life did I ever think that I might be the type to be a part of an adulterous relationship, but I have considered it a few times now. I haven’t made a decision yet, and I know that it would make things worse, but sometimes it is hard to factor that in. everything else about our relationship has always been incredible, we are so so well matched personality wise, and we even have the same degree/career.

anyways, I know there is a good chance this won’t be read, but being able to share in a space with people who fully understand what I am going through is very therapeutic.