Dear Lynn:

“After we saw each other the last time we decided we should be friends“- before you saw each other the last time, the two of you were either more than friends, or felt like more than friends.

“We kept talking, the whole time I am thinking we are just friends then I get a message saying he needs some time to figure out his feelings and if he wants or needs to be in a relationship right now.. I’m sorry.. I thought we were just doing the friend thing!? When did a relationship come back to the table??“- it was probably never off the table, not for long. Just because you labeled the relationship “friendship”, as in placing the relationship in a box labeled “friendship”,  does not mean that his feelings or yours fit that box. Feelings have a mind of their own; as the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants.

“We are both recently divorced… I just don’t want to push him out of my life completely. So here I am, once again wondering what is going on in the mind of this man who drives me absolutely crazy because I can’t figure him out to save my life!.. Could he just be terrified of the whole situation?“- fear probably has a part in his behavior. I say this simply because fear/ anxiety is so prevalent. I personally don’t know anyone who is not afraid. I am.

I am thinking that he has feelings for you, and he knows that you too have feelings for him (beyond friendship and regardless of the label). Maybe he felt pressured to be in a relationship with you even though you didn’t pressure him, simply because he knows that you have a romantic interest in him. Do you think this might be the case?

anita