Hi Anita,

I am adding something to my previous reply.

As I told you, I will be working on finding a way to ask for help from my boyfriend but I cannot stop thinking that this change will not be sustainable and I am not sure if I will be the happiest with a person for whom it is unnatural to be outgoing, who is not naturally a people person. Is this a sign of incompatibility? I don’t know if this is my gut feeling or fear but I feel this is a core need and I want it to be present in abundance.

In addition to this, I also want to tell you that I have always been a misfit. Cannot point out one reason but I have had my share of experiences in life – I experienced sexual assault as a kid through years which I think wired me differently, my younger brother was a pampered kid majorly because he is a boy and I am a girl, I don’t think I got enough validation from my dad, I did my engineering but didn’t feel it was for me, and I changed my career to Marketing which my dad did not like initially and he used to constantly tell me I am wasting my time. My mom says I am too sensitive and hints that maybe I am overreacting – sometimes I wonder if I am just too weak and use my trauma as an excuse.

But whatever the reasons might be, I turned to spirituality at a younger age – I am a very deep person and spirituality showed me a path in life. I am not very confident in being myself out of fear of judgment and often look for validation and support. Since I got into a relationship with my boyfriend, I feel my spiritual life also took a backseat. Maybe I am blaming him because it is the easiest thing to do but I feel spiritual conversations never sparked between us and this bothers me. I did try to steer such conversations but I understood he was just not on the same page and the conversations mostly don’t flow naturally and stop short. I feel this is affecting our intimacy and this is also another core need for me. It is majorly these two things – being social and spiritual I feel are core needs to me and if the relationship does not have them naturally and in abundance, can it be created? Can it be worked on?