Dear Bell:

“the past 7 months together have been amazing.. But the past couple of months – or really this year as a whole – has been really hard for us as a couple, he has upset me quite a few times, and we have had more arguments than usual… And then I started to realise I had no interest in sex anymore… And then there it was, I was suddenly not sure about him and I anymore… and overall just didn’t feel in love like I used to“-

– there is a saying, what goes up, must come down. It’s true for all things subject to gravity. In this case, your emotions went up, and then down. It’s normal. Loving/ sexual feelings are not a matter of all or nothing. There are natural, normal changes. Key is not to panic when changes take place.

What happens when you panic is that fear stands in the way of the loving feelings coming back, so it’s a vicious cycle.

Here’s you panicking: “This feeling has been the worst guttural type of feeling I have ever felt before. I told him straight away and It just broke his heart. For a couple days I kept going from I want to be with him, I don’t want to be with him, I’ll be better without him, I will die without him, driving myself insane really… I’ve lost my appetite… I keep getting stuck with bad thoughts, almost intrusive thoughts“.

“I really need someone to tell me what to do… I do believe that I have both avoidant and anxious attachment styles from having an absent father in many ways, I hope that someone will see this and be able to give me some clarity and show me the right pathway”– I think that the right pathway for you is to do what any person panicking needs to do: to relax, to calm down. Only in a relaxed state of mind, can your thoughts be rational. Did you ever see a doctor or a counselor/ therapist in regard to your anxiety? And if you did, what were the results?

anita