Hi SereneWolf,

thanks, I am fine, my back is better again, so I feel good. Hoping that it will last… (a praying hands emoji)

Yes that’s what I try to tell my inner self like no matter what I’ve been through I didn’t lose hope in humanity and connections. Then have some love for yourself.

I am happy you haven’t lost hope in humanity and relationships. Because there are wonderful people out there, not everybody is like your father, or even your mother. So yeah, cheers to good people and good, healthy relationships! 🙂

And I am glad that people at your new workplace, including your bosses, seem super cool:

I’m finished with my onboarding, It wasn’t that long, But I’m still learning their ways, I really like that they’re not rigid about certain ways If I like something my way I can do it that way. But they’re humble enough to show like here’s what we think is the most efficient way.

That’s fantastic, SereneWolf, and it means so much! That they give you the freedom to do it your way, if you find it better. So it’s not like receiving top-down orders, which you need to follow, but they give you a degree of freedom and independence. Which is exactly what you cherish, isn’t it?

Yes I do think it’s like that I don’t perform good if I’m not attached to it emotionally. But It was also because of my people pleasing behaviour, Like I didn’t wanted to disappoint my parents. But nonetheless later on I did, After 4 semester (2 Years) I put a stop to that college.

Yeah, I know what you mean. They wanted you to study in that field, and you wanted to please them. You tried, but it wasn’t working out. It’s good that you decided to put a stop on it eventually. Even if it meant hard decisions, like getting a job and supporting yourself.

But you’ve managed to make up for it all: you’ve earned your Bachelor’s and now you’re doing a Masters in the field you like. So it all turned out well…

And I’m kinda proud of myself since They already gave me an assistant (She’s also intern doing Masters in sustainability) in just 2^nd week because during the talk they didn’t say I’d have manage anyone. But they trust me enough even taking on consulting projects. So my work is more diverse towards Product analytics and Consulting side as well.

Congratulations on getting an assistant and being entrusted with more demanding projects!

And another cool thing we’re all in different time zones. That means no unnecessary meetings.

Hahaha 🙂 True to your introverted nature 🙂

And talking about it it makes me remember this point. Is this why I’m also not impressed with anyone’s educational qualities now? Or just not impressed with anything that much. Like huh. Good. So what? Am I becoming my father?

Hehe, well, your inner critic is very similar to your father. It is your father’s internalized voice. But you know, it’s a good sign that you can be proud of yourself (you just said you’re proud of getting an assistant). It’s a sign that your inner critic couldn’t spoil the party – couldn’t tell you “so what?”, or “big deal”. Seems you are getting out of its grip, which is a very good development!

And Yes I’m trying to be vulnerable with friends, Just a recent example, My friend’s friend reached out to me and wanted talk even though another friend told me how she is opposite of what I like, She smokes, she’s dramatic and her anger is always on the edge. But I didn’t said no. I saw it from a different perspective this time we talked till 2am. I tried to understood why she’s the way she is and I noticed that it’s just her coping mechanisms, At heart she’s kind and loving woman.

Okay…. was it like a date? I must admit, it got me worried a little that now you’ll go into the opposite extreme of being open and receptive to everyone, without discernment. And kind of “try to understand” this girl, who might have anger issues… which might not be the best predictor for a healthy relationship. I mean, in case you are considering dating her…

Sorry if I am preaching, I just wanted to say that you don’t need to like everybody, you don’t need to suddenly drop all judgment. In fact, the ideal would be not to be judgmental, but to still have discernment. Anyway, I felt the need to mention it, just in case 🙂

Also I’m not judgy like I used to be. Before I’d be like hmm this person and labels them now I try to understand first and I don’t try to fix them or at least urge to fix them is gone.

Good to hear that you don’t have the urge to fix the person. You can simply observe and see whether they are (in this case, whether she is) compatible. If you like her and don’t feel like changing anything major on her, that’s a good sign.