Hey SereneWolf,

my weekends (this one too) are usually peaceful, taking a light walk, sitting on the terrace of my favorite cafe, drinking my latte. Quite enjoyable, even if simple 🙂

Usually for spines there are Remedies that could include Ashwagandha, Shallaki and Guggulu then there’s also Panchkarma and various Yoga Asanas as per your condition.

Oh I’ve heard of Ashwagandha, as a remedy for anxiety. I can imagine it can actually help, if it calms down the nervous system. As for yoga, it is not recommended, since it involves a lot of bending, which is counter indicated. So no yoga for me, unfortunately…

I think yeah and I know I had these moments in my childhood but I simply can’t recall those memories now but just the low feeling stuff.

Do you remember any of such instances? Because I don’t, and I don’t think I had many either, since my mother was not really a fan of caressing and physical touch. And I spent almost a year as an infant at my granny’s, who was even colder than my mother… so I can imagine I didn’t get much cuddling, and in general that sense that they (my parents) are happy to have me in their life. Perhaps a little bit from my father, but I don’t really remember.

I don’t feel at ease with her. I just get excited like a baby.

What are you excited about? I mean, what are you getting in the interaction with her?

And yeah lot of her behaviour, I simply can’t accept it for longer term. I think it’s just puppy love or infatuation.

If it’s infatuation, it does mean she is meeting some need of yours, or you are hoping she could meet it… an unmet need.

Something just occurred to me: you said she is dramatic, always on the verge of anger. Whereas you keep your anger suppressed. So perhaps that’s what you like about her? Her freedom to express anger? So perhaps this is what she has, which you would like to have too, and it is attractive?

I don’t know if I’m trying to feel some void just like some distraction. So I try to reply her late and then she also does the same.

Okay, you are pretending you don’t care so much, so you’re delaying your reply. But as you said, the more you try to suppress your yearning, the more it is growing.

Heck since yesterday I don’t like to talk to one of my friends who’s got into new relationship. Because she always be talking about how good and nice he is. I know as a friend I should be supportive but yeah I’m just not in the right mindset.

I get that – you are confused about what you’re feeling for this girl, you’re internally conflicted. And so you can’t really be happy for your friend, because you are fighting your own inner battle. Is that what’s going on?

Hmm I don’t mean by dating more like adding better and meaning activities instead of mundane same routine everyday things. Nowadays I don’t feel the pressure of settling down. and dating is something new so.. I don’t know I still want to date just for fun not like creating deep and meaningful relationship but maybe that’s what alright for now?

Oh I see, you mean dating brings something new and exciting. Well yes, it does, but it also brings up your fear of relationships, which is happening now again, with this girl… And that’s what makes you question whether you actually want a more serious relationship or just something superficial, to have fun. I think it is your fear speaking: the fear of intimacy is telling you to only seek superficial relationships. Because you do want a relationship, but you’re afraid of being hurt…

And I also watched video you suggested and so it was really relatable and insightful so thanks a lot. I felt like crying after watching that.

I am glad you liked it! You probably saw yourself in that example, and that’s what brought tears to your eyes…

feeling I’m not good enough and being hard on myself because critical father and he me feel little and I thought he was right

So I was emphasizing I must be not worthy

Yes, you adopted your father’s belief that you are not good enough. Christine Hassler often uses the phrase “you bought into the belief…” Yes, we as children believe our parents’ view of us. Their critical voice becomes the voice of our inner critic. The external critic becomes internalized. And so the voice of our critical parent(s) keeps living in our head.

She also asked this really good question tell me about a time when you felt powerful. I need to think about this.

Yes, it’s a good question. Have you thought about it?

Guided Visualization also seems like a very good practice to try but I think feeling the truth is the hard part. Because it’s been so many years.

You mean you don’t feel ready to do the exercise with the inner child, which she did with her client? Or you don’t remember a particular situation, which you would want to go back to and “rewrite”?