Hi Renn

I’m sorry to hear that you had an argument with your boyfriend because he called you stupid and childish. Well done on standing up for yourself. It’s good to see that when you feel he goes too far you don’t back down. I know it sucks having disagreements though. Has there been a resolution to the argument yet?

I’m sorry that he said you aren’t friends. I imagine that hurt you? I know that I would be hurt by that. I think friendship is really important in a relationship.

You are right, it sounds like he cares about you taking care about yourself when you are stressed but he goes about it in the wrong way. It’s not very helpful for someone who is already stressed for someone to make negative comments like that. I don’t think you’re stupid or childish. It sounds like he doesn’t understand anxiety. I get the same thing and stop eating when I’m stressed. It’s not a good habit though and it is important to try to eat even when we don’t want to. It can actually help to balance mood by increasing your blood sugar. If you don’t feel like eating something, try sucking on a sweet or a tablespoon of honey and see if that helps.

Personally, I think that listening to the heart is more important than the head. But I will say that it doesn’t just mean how you feel about the relationship it includes how you feel about yourself. How the relationship makes you feel about yourself is the most telling thing.

Another thing that helps me to decide is, does how I feel right now in disagreements match how I feel and know my partner to be on a regular basis? I have trauma so that makes me feel a lot worse than I should during disagreements.

I see, that would be difficult being in a long distance relationship with someone who is jealous. I would imagine that the distance would make him feel more jealous and insecure instead of less.

It is sad letting go of someone you love because things aren’t a good fit. But the pain doesn’t last forever and there are other people more suitable to love who can also reciprocate those feelings in healthy ways. I guess I think protecting yourself and loving yourself is more important than loving someone else. It is hard to love yourself if you put your needs below someone else. Things need to be equal. Do you feel that he loves you as much as you love him?

You mentioned that you convince yourself of things. What kinds of things do you convince yourself of?

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏