Dear Seaturtle:

I want to supplement the above post, because it is not balanced.  It is my current understanding that the relationship with N failed because of this combination: (1) he did not see you enough, partly because he is stoned much of the time, and (2) your craving to be seen has been intense, and when you felt unseen, you overreacted, emotionally and often, behaviorally as well (the overreaction started at the very beginning of the relationship with N, on the 3rd date; it’s not a reaction to who N is, it’s something you brought with you into the relationship).

A few examples in your own words, starting in your first, July 29, 2023, post: “Our third date, he accidently stood me up after an all-nighter and I was absolutely devastated, and told him it was over“.

“My flirtation is lost on him and that is sooooooo hard for me“.

“He is silent and I don’t catch him staring at me or complimenting me… N doesn’t really laugh at my jokes… And in those moments I feel so so lonely“.

“I want to explode and just be like: “DO YOU SEE ME“?

“On fourth of July I was upset with him, honestly, I cannot remember what he did, but I remember feeling like he didn’t care about my feelings and was putting other things ahead of me… I cried and wanted to just run away“.

“He sometimes doesn’t text me and just lets me wait, which feels quite tormenting“.

End of examples.

I don’t want to analyze the above here. I think that if you attend psychotherapy with a therapist you can trust, it’d be the place to bring the above up with the therapist.

I hope you are well, Seaturtle, thinking about you fondly!

anita