Dear Zenith:

“You put it up so well“- thank you!

“Yes I feel like OCD is my enemy. It’s hard to live with all those voices in my head“- yes, it is hard.

“This is so true. Its not allowing me to be myself“- it’s an enemy indeed.

“Yeah its exhausting because of my OCD and other factors like inviting them home cooking, cleaning“- OCD is definitely exhausting and it adds exhaustion to everything you do. Almost everything would be easier without OCD.

“I was  thinking to make friends with the parents of my daughter’s friends and see how that goes. I want to focus on myself more. Like learning new hobbies or spend more time with myself/family“- reads like a good plan to me, particularly to focus on yourself more.. to be yourself

“There were so many friends who were so close with me in the beginning and they would leave me when they found new friends. I never felt angry or obsessed about it. I would just let it go. I am unable to let go of this friend. I don’t know why I am obsessed about her. Its so annoying“- do you think that early on, in India, when friends left you, you weren’t angry because you were emotionally numb (anger pushed down and away from awareness)? I wonder if currently, you are not as emotionally numb as you used to be in your younger years, and therefore more emotionally reactive.

I’ll reply further to your recent post (as well as to anything you may add) Wed morning.  Good night, Zenith. I hope you sleep restfully.

anita