Dear Anita:

I do relate to some of your experiences, first of all, thanks for sharing a bit of your story! Hope you’re doing better now.

As a teen, I was very much like you. Daydreaming a lot over some boys, watching them strictly from a distance. When it comes to family, I think that over the years I’ve taken the implicit role of the family balancer. Unfortunately, my siblings and parents in their own ways are a bit emotionally immature and can’t communicate in a constructive way so it ends up with a lot of grudges and hurt. I find myself trying to do what I can for others but maybe, my own avoidant tendencies may stem from this too: fearing that I’ll end up as some unwilling emotional caretaker for a significant others as it often ended up with both relatives and friends. I’ve made explicit in the past to people around me that I don’t want to be their “therapist” and I don’t want them to spill to me their own grievances about other people I know, but then I feel selfish. Because no one around me knows how to check for others, and I’m afraid that by continuously putting my own walls and boundaries I’ll leave some people alone in their own suffering. Maybe this will give some context to my avoidant tendencies.