We are all social beings. The quality of our environment does affect our perception. After reading your previous posts, it did seem like there was a pattern of emotional dependency in the former relationship. Now the bigger questions that arise are, (i) do you do this with everyone? (ii) is it ok? (iii) what is actually ok?

Despite all the comments i make or anyone here makes or whatever your friends tell you, ultimately it will be your choice to actually take it in. You’ll find a number of people who never seem to believe even positive feedback from their loved ones. In their eyes, they are fundamentally flawed and unworthy. In your case, you seem to be aware of your good traits but at the same time, you find it hard to feel assured that what you do have is indeed enough. That is why you need to turn to these people to act like your “mirrors” to show you what you are. Nonetheless, the reflections they offer you never give you a complete picture. Thats where the role of your belief comes in.

Do you truly believe that you are fundamentally a wonderful person, with a beautiful soul with or without your looks, worldly achievements? Do you believe that your opinion and voice matters too? Is it so important to become his version of “perfect” to feel “perfect”?

Are your thoughts and actions truly in line with your values? If he is blind to your qualities, then he hasnt been able to love you enough anyway. Why do you feel that you’re unlovable just because of this person? What do you fundamentally want to be?

The day you learn to take in the voice of others with a sense of reason and ultimately make a “conscious choice” whether to “accept” or “reject” or “incorporate” it, and develop mindfulness about this, that is the time you’ll find balance. Taking help and reassurance from others is not weakness, if done when you too are confident of your ability to choose and know who you are.

One way to start is by asking yourself – If you saw a friend of yours behave in this way, what would you tell her?