Thanks Kelly. And I’m sorry for your hurt. I hope you are doing better. You sound strong. It really helps to know there are others out there going through all this too.
Sometimes I do feel strong when I think of the fact that it was me that initiated the conversation and told him I wasn’t happy, but of course then when I feel lonely I think “why did I do that?” , “he’d still be here” etc. But the REALITY is he wasn’t really there/present. It was a hope that I had rather than a reality. So I just hope it gets easier as I keep moving forwards.

One positive thing I think I’ve realised is that its much easier to just allow yourself to feel sad, than to beat yourself up about feeling sad, tell yourself that you should be feeling better by now, or by this date. To tell yourself that you are weak for having these feelings and fighting/railing against it constantly just makes it harder to deal with. I think this is something I’ve done to myself repeatedly all my life when I’ve felt sad, and this time I am genuinely allowing myself to just feel it and trying very hard to banish those self-chastising thoughts. Not very easy for me, but I am trying.