Thank you both so much for your kindness and words of wisdom! I actually welled up a little reading both of your replies.

I think you’re both right about my boyfriend. He does lack understanding, however he was around when It all came out and his way of dealing with it was just to move on and that I should just move on and not let it bog me down. This is kind of true. I don’t want it to bog me down either, but I see it as something I have to consider and accept. I have talked to him about it in the past (about 2 years ago) and we nearly broke up (not because of it), in which I ended up feeling broken and ‘messed up’. Although I know myself pretty well, and I think I’m pretty okay considering! 🙂 Anyway, I tried to talk about it the other day and he said that it’s unfair that I use it against him and it’s a really low blow to use it as a reason to not ‘want to’. So basically, we don’t talk about it, I’m okay not talking about it (as I’ve dealt with the majority of it quite well and I understand it may be hard for him to hear- actually no one knows what actually happened… just that something happened), but I wish I wouldn’t feel bad when I say I don’t want to.

I just realised I’ve never written any of this down.

Before 2010-2011 my whole goal was to be the best. I worked so hard at college, fitness and eating well. But when It came out I was turned into a victim – not a survivor, which I felt I was before – how I saw myself changed and how others saw me changed. I lost all my confidence and had to re-build it all again. I had a couple of amazing friends to where and still are fantastic and I am so much better now. Looking back I am now a much more mellow and accepting person… maybe a little bit of a push over, but I can work on that. Anway, Would it be silly to say that my infinite source is now the Sea? All I know is that being out on the water is my overall most favourite thing. I feel at peace and whole.

Once again, thank you both so much for your thoughts and encouragement. I’m sending you lots of positive energy!