Hi There!
Financially have her account, the common house account, and your account. So if she’s dead against you using $$ for whatever, use your personal account. This will solve a lot of arguments in advance.
You (and your mother) are the active parents now. I think this is a blessing.
Relationship ~ Tell her you are taking a break for a year. If you two want to meet, do it in a nice quiet public place. Her Rage-ing is because it has become a terrible habit. Meeting in a different environment and time might change that.
Forget about her apologizing/being humble to your family. This is between you and her.
She may never parent or support the kids while separated. I would just quietly raise them and then revisit the whole household scene with her next year.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 