I believe the best option for you right now is to take a pause on life. The decisions you make from this point on could change your life forever and hurt the ones you love. So pause and take time out for YOU. Shower yourself with attention and affection. Start doing something you have always wanted to. Just pause on the guilt and the shame and the fear and see yourself as a inner child that has simply made a mistake. Don’t try to deal with the situation yet because it sounds as if you still undecided as to what you really want. A marriage where you want a bit more or a new love that is filled with possibilities. I SAY YOU WANT NONE OF IT. You need to love yourself and give yourself the attention she needs and deserves. Get away from both for a while and make an informed decision.

I was also in a similar place, however, I confessed to him what I did. It was completely out of character, so much so that up to this day I have not truly forgiven myself. It happened 3 years ago and we are still living together, in a rocky relationship, trying to rebuild trust.

** and yes, I wholeheartedly believed I loved the guy. and wondered if I had made a mistake by choosing my husband, given that I had confessed. I wondered about and still do up to this day. I think of him and the experience we had and I smile only because he showed me that there was something that I wanted and craved but didn’t know I did because I was not listening to myself. It was like sounding the alarm. “”Why would you go against you core morals and do something so cruel to hurt yourself and the one you swore to love for the rest of your life…something is not adding up here.”” It pointed out my deficiencies. But trust me Jessie its not this guy or your husband, its you. Choose to pursue a relationship with yourself and everything else will fall into place.**

My question is how do I build up my self love and self esteem in a relationship where I am trying to mend things with my partner to get him to trust me again. He is a good man, I do love him but I cannot ignore the neglect I have been showing myself. I am split between willingly catering to his needs and letting him know I am worth the second chance and healing myself, so that the next time I don’t get his affections or attention, I can provide that for myself and wont be susceptible to straying. For example, where a long walk to become mindful and aware of myself would benefit me, it can cause him to wonder where I am. Is it even possible to heal yourself(put yourself first) while trying to show someone else that you are willing and ready to put them first?

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by kikisan.