Hi Again

I am raising an old topic I know but I have hit a new low

I failed my 21 day challenges

Thanks for your reply big blue and I would say you are absolutely correct, the problem is I know what to do to lose weight, ie all the things you have mentioned, but I cannot seem to maintain this for anything of time that actually makes a difference or if I do (I lost 4 stone before on a very strict diet) it just comes back on again and more once I start eating normally. Outside of my weight issues I have a good life and enjoy it the best I can but this also seems to conflict constantly with time and energy to excercise and the foods that are put in front of me.

I have had many many many defining moments! I was embarrassed immensely when I couldn’t get up the hill with the rest of my photography club, I struggled to get in a roller coaster ride, I spent an amazing day yesterday with an MP and the photograph of me with him has made me sob ever since, I got the opportunity to go to Number 10 downing street but refuse to have my photo taken at the door. My mum is heavier than I am an struggles with illness and basic tasks. I could go on and on with many defining moments, but a day or so later and someone puts a sausage roll under my nose and I eat it.

I know life isn’t fair but it doesn’t help that I see people eat a lot more and do a lot less than I do and don’t gain an weight, and I just do not want to spend the rest of my life avoiding the pub with friends, not going to curry night with work, not having a take out on a Saturday night with a movie and all the social aspects that come with ruining my diet every single week and I feel like I have two life options

1) I eat healthily continuously and seriously reduce my “life” to very little
2) Accept that I will just be the weight that I am and try and enjoy life

Neither of them are acceptable to me. If I am not social I enter depression, at this weight I am now in depression again.

I have tried talking to the doctors they won’t help me.

I am in a very bad place now mentally as I feel there is no solution (unless I get the boot camp trainer to follow me round for the rest of my life) I am on the brink of cancelling my holiday as the thought of photos, beaches etc are making me very sad going at this weight

🙁