You say “I should point out that he has never gone beyond the boundaries of friendship and probably doesn’t really know how I feel about him. I think I have become swept away with the chemistry and fantasy but I have seen an ugly side so I don’t have him up on a pedestal.” Just curious, what is this “ugly side” of him you refer to? Do you mean the fact he has (in my opinion) crossed some boundaries in your professional relationship? Or is there something more?

I guess by this I mean that he can blow hot and cold with me. It’s like he feels he’s getting too close so the next time I see him he may be distant or if we’re in a class full of people I can see him purposefully trying to avoid eye contact with me. It’s been a bit of an ongoing merry go round. I don’t know why he does this.
With regards to us texting, I don’t text him, I email him but only usually about PT and what times I am going to see him. I also do a Spin class with him and He usually books me on automatically for the following week and one night he emailed me at 10pm to tell me he’d done so. Nothing flirty. He has an email address seperate from the gym which he gives to all his clients as he does PT work away from this gym also. It’s just part of his service of support for his clients. I have his phone number but I don’t use it. I work out plenty hard enough with him trust me but in between sets, during a 10 mins warm up where I’m going steady on the cross trainer and during warm downs and stretches we have time to chat. We have done charity work together etc etc this is where I have got to know him. We have exchanged emails of a personal nature because we have a lot in common and share tastes in movies and music and hobbies but I wouldn’t say they were flirty in nature. There is just a closeness when we’re together that is hard to explain in words. It’s an invisible thread between us, the way he looks at me and holds my gaze for longer than is normal. It’s a connection that is hard to get across on here but like I said I’m pretty sure I’m not imagining it all. I’m good at hiding my feelings so I’m not sure if he knows how I feel. I have never just come out and told him because like I said he has a girlfriend and I don’t feel it would be appropriate. I never thought about him saying things like “we have an out of this world connection” as inappropriate but I suppose now you have mentioned it, it is for a trainer/trainee relationship. I sense he may be as confused as me. He’s trying to maintain professional boundaries but sometimes forgets himself. Like you say the heart wants what the heart wants and we can’t always help showing what we feel inside no matter how we try to hide it.

If only talking to him about it was that easy. The thought terrifies me and while I understand what you are all saying about its up to him to protect his relationship is true I still wouldn’t feel right telling him how I feel knowing he has a girlfriend.
If I’m being honest I do want him, of course I do but I know that we don’t always get what we want and sometimes just have to suck it up. I believe he has come into my life for a reason and obviously I’m drawn to him for a reason but maybe it’s not meant to be romantic in nature. Maybe he is in my life to teach me something about myself.I think love is a beautiful thing and we shouldn’t have to hide it if we love someone we should just shout it from the roof tops. Part of me wants to hang in there Yogabunny but I really hate the thought of being branded a home wrecker or immoral as I already have been.