Hi Naomi, sorry to hear the predicament that you are in.

Although not on the same level, I understand your situation. Someone I used to be with had been molested by her sister for several years as a child, and she had never told anyone – except from me.

Needless to say when I was the same room as him I wanted to batter him. Unfortunately I also know what it’s like to want revenge. Only a couple of hours ago I received a phone call from a girl i’m “with” (complicated), with a guy speaking telling me to leave her alone as he is screwing him. I don’t know the facts, she might be drunk and he might be a dick trying to wind me up, but I still want to batter him.

In terms of your situation I think it’s important that you understand.

I don’t think it’s important to forgive him, or ever see him again. What I think is important is that understand your own feelings and understand why you feel the way you feel. Clearly you are very angry and held back emotions and confusion all these years, only to be left disappointed and ashamed of a man who you should trust and adore.

What I need you to do, is not be ashamed to be angry. You have every right to be angry. I’d be angry, I’d be furious. It’s what you do with that emotion. There is nothing you can do to change what has happened, and as you said, you feel resigned to never seeing him again, so you feel you can’t forgive him. You need to realise that this is okay. It’s perfectly natural for you to feel this way.

I then need you to concentrate on understanding that you can’t change the situation. No matter how disappointed with your father’s response, you can’t change it.

I hope this has helped a little. My head is in a bit of a mess but I think this might help you get started!