Ed,
First of all, sending healing thoughts to you. Inky’s right, you are having a mental breakdown – I recognize the symptoms because I (and I’m sure many others on these forums) have been through that hell.

Give yourself a break. Please change your script of self blame – nothing good is going to come from that. Learn from it all and move on. You are a good person, worthy of love, worthy of peace, change your script to reflect that. What’s done is done, start to think positively about the changes and efforts you’ve made to fix your life.

This awful thing happened and your girl finally got worn down. She is still treating you with kindness, but please, let her have a life. She deserves it. If you love her, let her go. The more you push her, the further away she is going to go, my friend. If you are truly soul mates, maybe one day when you are healthy and able to stand on your own two feet, you will be together then.

I see two issues here – you mention how her jealousy & insecurity was an issue back in the day. And then you start talking about Aspies. If you are going to keep revisiting the past to such a degree, please look at ALL the issues with equity.

You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you are going to be in a position to be loved by someone else. What you need comes from inside you, not from outside, not from someone else. Breathe, be strong, do the hard work, get healed up. It sounds like therapy is in order for sure, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Again, I have been there. Therapy helps, time helps. Give yourself a chance to heal – you’ve been through a LOT.