Hi Eve,

I completely empathize with you. There have been numerous occasions where I had no love or self-respect for myself and found it a difficult journey to try and pull myself up from that position of low self-worth. It’s a constant struggle, but let me tell you, when I can find ways to make myself feel whole again, it’s an indescribably wonderful feeling; I know that you can reach this level of self-love as well. We all go through dark times in life (whether it be sporadic, short-term, or long-term), and that is okay. It’s what we can take out of these dark times that shape our character.

It seems to me that you are letting your past define you. Because your parents did not show interest or care in your emotions, you felt unworthy of their attention & love and therefore carried this with you into your adult life. No matter what your inner critic tells you, I’m here to tell you that you ARE in fact worthy of love. Your first obstacle and something that you need to acknowledge is this–you need to let go of your past. It’s nothing but a chapter in your book of life, and it’s over. You now have the capacity and room to start a new chapter and make a “new beginning”. How you overcome this obstacle is entirely up to you, but I know you have the strength to surpass it. To give you some guidance though, I would start with forgiveness. Forgive your parents, and forgive yourself.

As for your significant other, I think it’s natural to let some of our insecurities spill over into the relationship. But we can’t make this a permanent thing. Having someone who is patient with you and understands that you are struggling with some inner conflict is definitely someone worth keeping, but even the most understanding and loving person can only take so much after awhile. I do not tell you this to discourage you, it’s just a fact that many couples go through. Your boyfriend should complement who you are, not try and make you whole. I ALWAYS ALWAYS encourage others to make themselves whole and not seek out this responsibility in someone else. My advice, and you can take it with a grain of salt or carefully consider it, is to be single. Loving yourself is a journey that must be completed on your own, otherwise it becomes a viscous cycle of looking for other partners to fill your voids (and believe me, it never ends well).

Maybe right now you need to focus on a career. Or you need to go out there and socialize with new people. Don’t worry about the so-called-friends who couldn’t stand listening to your problems after awhile. Do they sound like genuine friends to you? Look for people in life that are only going to lift you higher and raise you up. Of course some of this must be done on your own because not everyone can carry your whole weight, metaphorically speaking. Surround yourself in an enriching environment with mindful and wonderful people who are going to bring out the best in you. Take up new hobbies and rediscover your strengths and passions. Start reading (read self-help books if it’ll repair some of your confidence and esteem), or write in a journal everyday and let your thoughts out. There are many creative outlets to expressing our emotions.

You are not alone in this, and I’m sure if you found the right crowd, they would be more than willing to hear you vent and to get rid of some excess anger/frustration/sadness.

Try your best to keep a positive attitude and remind yourself that you will get through this dark time and that things always get better. But keep in mind that you must take action in order for things to get better. I have faith in you and I know you will do quite well. You seem like a wonderful and thoughtful woman. You just need to believe in yourself more, but you’ll get there. Best of luck, dear!

-Namaste