Hi Abigail
Feelings are not “stupid”, they aren’t “right” or “wrong” they’re feelings. I’d suggest get out of “feeling” mode, you can’t make any decisions with feelings because feelings are not based on facts they are based on emotions. You stated this fact:
“He has never given me any reason to think he would leave”
Followed by this feeling:
“I cannot stop feeling insecure”
You feel “insecure” and you state it’s because of your weight. You can change that Abigail; in fact losing weight has NOTHING to do with your boyfriend that is totally in your control. Why you choose to live worrying, feeling sick, feeling insecure and focusing outside of yourself for your feelings of unhappiness?
You can’t change the way others look, you can’t change your boyfriend feelings, or his past BUT you can change your weight. Why choose to live fearing he’ll leave because of your weight and not try and change that? That only you can answer.
The bigger issue here is your child and his or her feelings. Her mother not “living” in the present but preoccupied with the past and future. Teach your child that we can “take charge” of our lives not let our lives be defined by other people’s actions. Helplessness is a learned behavior. You’re stronger than you think. Start small go online or down load an app to count your calories, exercise, keep a journal and join forums. Find support. Take just one step, one action that’s all and then the next action, then the next. Try it for one day; you can do anything for one day. See if you feel more in control of your life.
Good luck!
Pamela