Hello guys,

I travelled over 800 miles this past week, had to do a lot of things. Had to help my sister with her pregnancy. Even tough i couldn’t stop thinking about my ex, i was happy to stay away from this town, knowing that she might be with someone right now.
Once i got here again, in this city, i feel sad again. I know i’m unsatisfied with life for a number of reasons, and she wouldn’t save me. If we were together, i would feel the same, because everything is so confusing now. But at least beeing away from her, makes me feel less…. stuck.
It’s stupid to miss her, i can’t stop missing her. it’s funny, cause i always say it was the best thing that could have happened, us breaking up. It really was, from all the changes it brought to my new self. The way that it was, we would have ended eventually. But i just keep thinking that after a while, we could have solved it, to know each other again.
Now it’s been three months. No human being in this planet, would suffer for his boyfriend after dumping him. She’s gotta be super happy. i guess there is no point asking her out to get dumped again. That would only kill me again.
Like i said, i told her everything i felt, truly expressed my heart when we broke up. She said those things, not liking me anymore, bla bla… and then admitted to love me still, and miss everything. In those times, i protected myself from saying that i was bad over the break up. Because i had to, otherwise she would put her defenses up again and get scared. She has to be consistant.
Leting her go is one of the worst things i had to do my entire life, and trust me, i’ve been trough a lot. Lot of deaths, lot of break ups… and this is the thing that is torturing me. I know i will come out stronger from this and life will surprese me again tough.
Seriously, who in their right mind would still love someone after dumping him? After three months? Not her, no no…