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Reply To: Struggling with my dad – please help

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#70064
goldenseal
Participant

I homeschooled my children, so your situation is very close to my heart.
I am sorry about the relationship you are having with your father. I don’t know that there is a fix. I read in James Joyce book Ulysses that when a husband is having marital problems that the daughters suffer.

Here is the quote:
Will any man love the daughter if he has not loved the mother?

I have thought about this in relation to my own turbulent relationship with my father. I was the good girl that tried to be very obedient to the point of losing myself and turning in on myself. I went out with men that would treat me as my father did and then work hard to prove I was worth loving. All this to say that I was not able to change the relationship with my father but I did provide the home I wanted for my own children.

In the book Dragon Seed by Pearl S. Buck, who was also homeschooled, she writes about the Chinese philosophy of marriage.
The tree is the husband and the wife is the roots. The fruit hangs off the tree. But if the wife has decided to take care of the fruit rather than the tree the fruit will call off prematurely.

There is really a lot to think about in this metaphors if you keep thinking about it.

My advice is to take all your energy and work on what you have control on you.