@papioman

Hi, I feel more or less the same right now, I think. I’m also 27, unemployed. I dropped out college in the last minute, then decided to be an aspiring artist. But even until now I’ve been so paralyzed by fear & sense of meaninglessness to start creating & selling any art. My progress is just very-very slow and I also can’t really relate to anyone. Mostly because something in the depth of me screaming, “I don’t want to connect!!” because human connection insults my sense/need for independence. Although right now I can feel another part of my body get extremely bored and want to relate somehow, at least to sell my art, but then again it conflicts with the need for ‘absolute’ independence.

I don’t have the solution for this dead-end problem yet. “Stuck”, “lacking direction”, “lost” are words too familiar for me right now. For me my immediate cure ‘mantra’ is to remember/decide that I unconditionally love myself whatever happens.

You said you were diagnosed with mild Autism Spectrum Disorder, but when I read your post I think you’re normal for a personality type (you know enneagram 5?), albeit maybe a little less healthy one (yeah, like me now). Less connected with the outer world is one of the downsides of the personality..