I am so sorry to hear that, and all I can say is that I currently stand in a completely same situation. I cought my bf for 4 years cheating. He ran away for 2 months “holiday”, and now I’m left alone in our apartment. I now need to start from 0. I have no job, I need a new place to stay ( or move back to my parents ) and he does not take any responsibility for his actions.
What I keep telling myself in this situation is that “good/bad – who knows”. Only in time I’ll figure out. Even though it is insanely hard to not victimize oneself, I try to keep my head high, and think logically. Logically in terms that even if people love you, if they are not in harmony or suffering themselves, there is a big chance they will hurt you. It is now time to give yourself time to breathe, pamper yourself, treat yourself, and do as much as possible of all the things you love. Make an improvement, and get back that self-esteem. It will take time. But it is possible, the pain will not last forever.