Ivan, Everyone on this forum is truly kind! What great advice – to forgive this type of person. Truly this is all your girlfriend can do b/c he’ll never change. Believe me. Let me share my own story. I’m married to a man who is exactly as you describe here. He has always blamed others for his own misery .. it’s been my fault that he can’t find a job, it’s my mother’s fault that his marriage is breaking down, it’s the children’s fault that he’s depressed … I could go on and on – the list is endless. Rarely have I ever heard him say, “It’s my fault.” This man is 56 years old. We got married at 21 and there were signs even then, but I figured he would change as he growed and matured. No. I believe this behaviour does stem from childhood trauma – but until he’s ready and willing to face it and battle it, there’s nothing anyone else can do. We’ve been married 35 years, I’ve raised 4 daughters and him. He’s my fifth child and the most difficult to deal with. My girls are grown and living independently. They’re intelligent, confident and can deal with life on their own. I feel I did the best I could with them. As for him, we’re in the process of separating. Of course, he blames me for the breakdown of the marriage. I’ve tried and tried to reason with him, but there’s no use. Everything is my fault in his eyes. I’m done with him. I’ve been to doctors, lawyers, priests and counselors – all in an effort to help this man – but the more I do, the less he does. And that’s the core of the problem. Your girlfriend can’t ‘DO’ anything for her brother .. she can listen to him when he acts up, but the kindest thing to do is to just leave him be. He’ll have to figure it out for herself. I wish you both well. You sound like a very sensitive, supportive boyfriend – be patient with her. She loves her brother and wants the best for him .. but she needs to step away.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Nikita.