Kate, I am so sorry for your pain. I have a completely different story. But I know of the all-encompassing pain you speak of. I am just over a year appart from my wife, partner of 11 years and we have 2 kids which we share custody of. Now I have moments when I get swept up in just how beautiful the world is and feel the deep desire to overcome it all and find that happiness I had again. But I’m equally too easily swept down in the turmoil of despair that I’ve known for too many exhausting weeks now, when I see how easily she has moved on, when I am so stuck and missing her like hell. I think the advice here from these great people is very sound, not that it is any way easy to apply. I don’t have answers, I don’t have the clear way forward for myself, so I can’t offer them to you. But I can offer my thoughts and simpathies. I really do hope you find the strong, happy and resillient person you were again. Able to see the unbelievable beauty in the world, and let it heal you.
Kind regards, Ben.