wow! a million thanks guys and i really really appreciate your responses it really helps and makes me feel like I’m not alone, i have been doing a lot of prayer and meditation and the answers are coming, I’m still deciding sole and physical custody, till that happens i am letting it go for now…starting to..its hard as hell to hand over my kids to ex and his family but i have to visualise Im actually handing them over to the care of God and I know God is protecting them, it becomes a part of the unseen its magic He is doing for me what i cannot do for myself that makes sense now,
the guy is looking for a reaction though so that he can record me so pathetic keeps accusing me of taking his things and harassing me over them, keeps demanding he’ll take the kids without telling me where they are going give the guy an inch he’ll take the whole mile this is what’s so hard about reasoning with the unreasonable and all the while i have to be calm and i am being calm i have to for the sake of my kids and karma, I’ve been wearing the dunce cap for too long i.e reacting to narcs and toxic people all my life i know their lil tactics gas lighting hoovering the lot I’m gona just follow my heart now and boundaries yes it is time to break and change this cycle now and I can do this,

its so gruelling though i can’t tell you and its only the tip of the iceberg, i starting to have a manic moment this is another pattern within me just feel like running away escaping but i can’t fix on anything its just feelings feeling feelings-gahhhhh its like labour without any drugs or help!
i literally feel like the chameleon serial bully that he is, is taking me I’m like a drug to him
shut up and put up for how long this is seriously torture