Hey Matt,

It’s good to see you are still alive, for now. I wonder if you’re getting any kind of help with these problems you describe (ie. the anhedonia, the suicide thoughts and the possible schizophrenia). You’re clearly facing some tough issues and I really hope you’ll get through them and learn to feel the good in life again.

As for Buddhism, I’m not sure I agree that it’s about “accepting our losses and accepting a new life”. It’s more that any loss is not truly a loss at all because enduring happiness is not dependent on things that we can lose. True happiness, the good life according to the Buddha, and even enduring pleasure, come from within, through training the mind, and clinging to nothing. So letting go isn’t about accepting less, but about aiming for more. More peace, more joy, more happiness, and a lasting absence of suffering.

In your example, the cancer patient is clinging to their walks in nature and heaping suffering on top of the undeniable pain of cancer. They tell themselves: I can’t be happy without my nature walks, life is useless without my nature walks. This clinging is the root of their suffering. Likewise the music lover is making themselves miserable by telling themselves the only music they want to hear is the type of music they’re not currently hearing. Rather than clinging to their hatred of the music currently playing, they could listen to it, be curious about it, or be at peace with it.

But all this theory is just so much text on the page, and it doesn’t really tell us anything. What is going on with you, man? What do you hope to get from posting these long explanations justifying yourself? Are you interested in talking to us? I’d like to have a discussion but it’s impossible if all you do is these occasional drive by posts.

I wish you well, Matt. Be well.