Dear sunshineinca:
My thoughts, free association type thoughts after reading your post twice:

There are so many people in pain, so many people that need so much. And I am one of those people. I wish the world was a better place. I wish people were not hurting so much- and wouldn’t pass on the pain. It is overwhelming for me to think how much pain is out there, right this second, children suffering from neglect and abuse as I type this, people’s lives ending by violence; people’s lives hurt by abuse. This is a reality I have to accept. In my interactions with others- if I cannot or will not try to help- at the least my aim is not to hurt them (wouldn’t it be a better world if everyone aimed at not hurting another?)

I can’t save the world- although I tried and tried hard to save one person, my mother: I can’t save a single person- my best shot is at saving myself. I am open to my own efforts to help myself.

Thank you for sharing your story, sunshineinca. The man you are describing hurt you by handing you that “wonderful” gift of GUILT and false responsibility. He HURT you by doing that, not loved you. And like you wrote, you HURT yourself by staying in the relationship. So in the name of not hurting and not being hurt- wish he doesn’t get the chance again to hurt you and that you don’t put yourself knowingly in a situation again where you get hurt.
anita