Inky – Your right and during our good times, I think that is what I am doing. At one point she told me taking her on dates didn’t count, because it wasn’t spontaneous. I didn’t let that deter me and pushed through she had fun and we have discovered new stuff to do since then. When the good, it is good. I need to heal myself though. I would be lying if I told you I don’t think about it at least once a day. It is like an anchor on my I know I need to let go of it but I am scared to. I am not sure why. I guess after all this time, I expect her to be there and it scares me she may not. I would feel like a failure. But you are right, talking to her about it does no good nor does me dwelling over it. I need to find someone to vent to though, otherwise as I try to heal, it spills over into our relationship.