Thank you,

Yes, I agree my conduct is part of everything as well. I do regret the whole ‘crush’ thing I told him about a while back as that really did fuel things, at that point in time that my way to try to say I want to try to fix things before they get worse, just in a weird way that was far from the best way of doing so. At that point in time I really did want to try to fix things, but over the months as interactions between us got worse and I really sided to the idea of we needed time apart from each other to both ‘heal’ and not have the kids keep witnessing the chaos. I believe he means the best, especially for his kids and wants to hold onto the family as a whole.

Personally I’m at the point where I feel the only chance we have is by living separately, as in his presence I get anxious, stressed, resentful, and I’m constantly accused of infidelity day in and day out (the first thing said to me upon waking this morning was “Did you sleep with him this weekend?” In which…I have never even come close to doing, ever.) My every action, even texting friends or family is analyzed and accused…and it’s just not healthy for either of us…he’s living in constant fear of me cheating on him and I’m living in constant fear of what I’m doing is being considered cheating on him. It’s to the point where he said in counseling he would prefer if I just admit I’m cheating on him, because then this would ‘all be over’….but the absolute truth is I’m not, and never have.

I’ve felt very strongly for the last 1 – 2 months that moving out for now is the best thing, and now that the chance is happening all of a sudden I’m just overwhelmed with the emotions of it all.