Hi Karen,

I can see how this is a tough time for you. Being an introvert and having to be around others all the time. The fact that you can’t have any privacy. Have you expressed your need for space with your boyfriend? In relationships, we sometimes have difficulty expressing our needs because we feel like it may be inconvenient for others or hurt them. In reality, it may even help your relationship to have more space. Both of you can grow separately and come together from time to time, especially because you live together. If he does not respect/accept this then he has some work to do on his own. He may not know what’s making you upset or what you need, it’s up to you to have your need met. As long as you do not ask for it, you will both be unhappy. I say this because you may unconsciously or even consciously behave in certain ways that show him you are angry, upset, or not very happy to spend time with him. The more you pull away, the closer he may come trying to figure out what’s wrong and the more “smothered” you may feel.

How do I stop trying to please others?
The best way to stop pleasing others is to be aware. Be aware that your needs are important for your well being and so that you can sustain healthy relationships. Be aware that if we keep getting our validation/love from the external environment by pleasing others, then we will be disappointed because things will not go our way all the time. When we please others in order for them to love/validate us, then we will become resentful when they don’t. Be aware of the underlying needs that you are trying to fulfill by pleasing others.

How do I listen to my own voice when I don’t think I can even recognize it anymore?
It seems as if you have a voice – this post. Maybe journaling about your thoughts/feelings will be helpful in making yourself more aware of your desires.

How do I become strong again?
You are strong. To speak up and challenge your own thoughts is to be strong and tackle conflicts head on. To become strong, maybe you just need to become more independent. Do things on your own, live on your own, cook/work on your own. When you can validate and accept yourself regardless of what others think, then nothing will be able to make you “weak” or dependent.

How can I meaningfully connect with others?
I am not sure what “meaningful connection” means to you. What do you think? What do you want in friendships/relationships? What do those look like?

How can I find happiness?
Put yourself first.

Here are some articles on people pleasing that may help:

A Simple Guide to Being Yourself Instead of People Pleasing

A Powerful Guide for People-Pleasers (and a Giveaway!)

Saying Yes When We Mean No: How to Break the Habit

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Annie.