You are making sense to me. I wonder if your father was more accepting- sounding to you on the phone because you didn’t call him for a while and he doesn’t want to lose you. He may be motivated by this fear, not by a true change of heart. He may not be taking you for granted at this point, which is a good thing. As long as he is not rejecting and hurtful to you, I think it is fine to have a relationship with him, a relationship conditional on him accepting, or at least not expressing rejection of you. It is okay for you to let him know that this is your condition for a relationship with him.

You stated that you love your father, well, this is fine and dandy to love him and be in contact with him as long as the same rule applies to him as to any other person in the world: for as long as he talks and acts toward you with respect, and does not mistreat you.

The principle of the matter is: nobody is allowed to mess with you; nobody is allowed to mistreat you, no matter who they are.

About you not being accepting of all other people: if you mean that in your thinking you are rejecting of some, that is fine. I don’t think there is a single person in the world who is accepting of all other people at all times. No way. It is what a person DOES that matters. If you think negatively about a person, that is okay, as long as your behavior is not abusive. You are okay as a human being no matter what you think as long as your behavior is not abusive (“Do no Harm”)

And so, it doesn’t matter what your father thinks about you being gay, he may dislike it for the rest of his life- and I hope it is okay with you. He is allowed to think and feel whatever he thinks and feels- just as you. He is not allowed to say and do hurtful things to you. I wouldn’t reject him for what he cannot help (his thoughts and feelings). I hope you can clearly see this point.

anita

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by tinybuddha.