Yeah maybe some correlation to Llama Jack but my older brothers were like surrogate fathers to me. I mean my father was a nice guy but often absent due to work. My older brothers words were so important to me. When they criticised me I felt crushed. Their voices are still inside my head now even at 57. When I make a bad decision I hear their voices ringing in my head. “See I told you, you were an imbecile. You idiot!” I live in a different city to the rest of my family now. I’ve been out of work for a while but I dare not tell them. They will judge me I know.
I have a sensitive disposition too which makes it worse.
Meditation is helping me a bit but really I need some intensive therapy to address this and other stuff. I know the people who are tough in the real world and hold down stable jobs all their lives, are deep down just as screwed up as me. Just they are better at hiding it.