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Well Peter Pan,
You made quite some mistakes along the way. But here’s the catch, we all have to start over again and again in our lives – its freaky but it all hits us at some points – sometimes we are responsible for it, sometimes we arent – the point is, instead of making this about you dont know who you are, you are this and that – forgive yourself and move on.
You dont have to do it all right in one go and grow up in one day. Cherish whatever friends you have left (i know you dislike the same old advice but trust me, its good to simply have some people around for balance – they could have as well chosen not to give a shit and say anything but they care and thats why they bothered to say it even), make small-achievable goals towards your health and well-being. The past has had consequences for you but obsessing about it will not change it one bit. You need to take steps to move forward.
One day at a time. Get your head cleared up.
Regards,
Moon