Marisol,

Wow. Your ex sounds very much like mine. Too much alike I might add. So, I’m speaking as someone who knows what you are going through and what it feels like. I’m also your age.

I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist, and I believe she could be right about your ex. Who knows, yeah he might change, but we don’t know that for sure. My ex also smokes a lot of weed and does drugs every now and then, well, at least according to him. As a rational person with education I am sure you understand how hard it is to stop smoking weed or doing drugs, they are just too addictive for them to just quit.

My ex was a lot like yours in that I could not voice my concerns without it all blowing back on me. If i caught him lying which I did often, he would try to twist it all around. He refused to address my concerns and made me sound like I was going crazy. Which indeed was driving me a little mad because it was so hard to have an honest conversation with him. He would always find ways to blame me for it all and would not listen. He cheated on me as well. I, as well as you, thought that I was the one who was in the wrong and was hurting the relationship.

However, you must realize that your ex is manipulative and not good for you. My ex is the same way. Every few months he tries to get in contact with me. I too have changed my number but he has found ways to talk to me.

Let me tell you a bit about my relationship with my ex so that you can understand that they are very bad and manipulative people. I was with him on and off for a long time. It was all smooth sailing at first because we were just beginning to get to know each other. However, once we were in a comfortable place in our relationship it all changed. He would go out with other girls, particularly his exes, to the club, he would hang out with them when I was not around. He would go and drink with his buddies, etc. I wasn’t clingy either and I respected our independence. However, He would often tell me lies about his encounters with his exes or his whereabouts and I would find out from others what had really happened. He would always spin it all around on me and blame me. He would always try to change the subject, never answering my questions and made me the bad guy. He said I was taking things out of proportion. He cheated on me and did not admit to it till much later, I was obviously hurt, but he didn’t want to hear about that. He said I wasn’t giving him enough time. He had his friends tell me lies. He was charming enough that anytime he wanted me back, I got back with him, only to see he hadn’t changed. He was verbally abusive and he didn’t appreciate any of the things I did for him. He just took them for granted.

Your relationship with your ex is not healthy. You are taking good steps to move on. There will be times in which you will be tempted to let him back in, after all, you love him, it is easy to want to believe that they really have changed. You’ll miss him, wonder what he is doing. You’ll have weak moments in which you will want to let him back in. It’s not easy to let go of someone you’ve shared so much with. However, stay strong, know that it will all get better and that it is for your own good to not talk to him anymore.

You owe him no explanations about moving out of state. You are an independent strong woman who is pursuing her education. You don’t need him holding you back. The weed and drugs will most likely sooner or later get a hold of him. It sounds bad I know, but that it the mess that he has created for himself. You don’t want to be a part of that, it will wreak havoc on your life if you do.

Think about it this way. You are getting an education. Working towards getting a good career. He is not in a good place right now, considering the drugs and manipulative behavior. Do you really want to go back to that? It is not healthy or conducive to a good life. You’ve given him way too many chances.

Hang in there and do not give in to him. You are strong and deserve better than that. Someone who shares some of the same goals, interests, etc.

Respond back if you need more advice or want to talk about it more.