Hi Everyone,

I’m back, and unfortunately with a broken heart. At the end of November we ended our break, stating that even though we’ve had our difficulties it was worth it to still try and make it work. For about three weeks things were great… better than before even. We were talking daily, seeing each other multiple times a week, we had the holiday spirit with us and it finally felt right. By the time Christmas came around however she became distant again… and I didn’t see her for over a week. We hardly talked, I’d send texts that wouldn’t get responses. It began to hurt badly. Her birthday came and went right after the holiday, then came New Years Eve. We didn’t do anything with each other for either other then send a few texts.

So last night we had plans to meet up after she got out of work. I was beyond excited. Even though it had been a rough couple of weeks I knew that she was busy and things would be good going into the new year. When I saw her though, she wasn’t her usual self. She seemed colder and distant. We went to get a glass of wine, and about 20 minutes into it she told me that she felt a lot of guilt for not giving me what I deserve in our relationship. She had been torn emotionally throughout the holidays.. wanting to do them with me and not being able to emotionally. She knew she was hurting me, and she said she couldn’t do it anymore. We left the bar and I took her home. I sobbed intensely, because I felt my heart breaking in a way it hadn’t before. We talked about what could have been, and how we know we would have been good together if the timing was different. She reiterated what she said back in November… that she felt this is one of the most intense decisions she’s ever had to make. Even though she cares so deeply for me, her heart still belongs to her ex boyfriend. We kissed goodbye and she went into her apartment. I drove home with tears streaming down my face.

I couldn’t sleep last night, and I feel dreadful today. The situation seems so unfair to me. I feel like I’ve lost someone great, and I never got to see the version of her that she wished she could have given me. I’m not mad at her, I know she must be just as hurt. It was nice hearing all the kind things she said, and knowing that she was being honest about the problems our relationship had endured. It wasn’t nice having no choice but to give up the fight.

I know I have to move on now. That hurts, but it’s supposed to right? Part of me really wishes that somewhere down the line of life we end up together again. I don’t want it now. But maybe someday. I won’t hold on to that thought though, I know I have to get over her first.

Would appreciate any kind encouragement. This is a tough way to start a new year.

Thanks