Hey Dave, if it will help you feel better? you are not alone going through this. There 100s of people on this site. including me! your story sounds exactly like mine! From experience, time is the only healer unfortunately! There is no easy way out when your heart been broken! sounds like you we’re doing everything to help yourself, staying busy! Taking about it! There nothing worse then breaking up getting back together over and over and over! I been there too! wish I had a answer for you! For the suicide thoughts, you should go to the nearest Emergency room! I am sorry to to say but, I would break clean with her!!! cause then pain is just going to get worse breaking up getting together over and over! Good Luck!