Dear Lily:
I asked about your father and the bathroom key because when I read your original post, it was very clear to me that you came out of your childhood with no understanding that you have the right for privacy, your own space, that you have the right to say NO, and LEAVE.

Your parents, you write, used to come into your room, bathroom maybe, without knocking, having keys to your room and to the bathroom. This suggests to me that you and your sister locked your bathroom and rooms from the inside, so to have privacy, so to be able to have control over when someone enters the room or bathroom. It means to me that there was no respect in your home for your right for privacy, that your privacy was invaded again and again.

And now, the adult that you are, understandably still doesn’t know she has the right to not let this guy in your room and if he is already there, you do not know you have the right to kick him out.

You are also lonely and so in need for love (something else you did not have then), that you are so excited about this guy showing you any kind of attention, that you are willing to tolerate anything for any resemblance of love.

Am I correct so far? Please think about all this and let me know… I do want to help you, I do hope I can help you help yourself…

anita