Dear Nan:

You wrote on an earlier post on this thread that there is no way to bring the past back, something to that effect. I agree, of course, there is no way to re-do the past, not any part of it. I had to accept it about my life. So much of my 55 years were wasted in such misery, it is a shame. And it didn’t have to be this way, but it has and there is nothing I can do about it. This kind of acceptance is important. Many if not all people will tell you, if such a conversation takes place, that they “know” that they cannot re-do, undo and re-do the past, but they don’t deeply know it, they still resist it, still trying to undo and re-do and resist lessons that can be still learned…

If I was you, in your situation with what I know about it based on this one thread, I would make sure that I deeply know, “know-know” as I refer to this kind of knowing, that indeed I cannot undo and redo what already happened.

And then, from that deep, complete level of understanding and the peace of mind that comes with it, then I will choose what to do next.

Thinking of Francesca, if I was Francesca I would have opened that truck door at that stop light, and I would have gone into Clint Eastwood’s car, like the wind. I would have done that in a heartbeat. Then I would have regrets about hurting my children and the husband. And I suppose she anticipated those regrets and figured she couldn’t live with those regrets, that guilt. Her kids at the time were young enough. This is very important… although in the movie, it turned out that Francesca staying in the marriage did not benefit her children. Her daughter chose to assert herself and remove herself from a non working relationship only after she found out about her mother’s affair many years before.

I will stop here and would like to read your next thoughts and continue this discussion. I am fascinated by your real life story and the significance of your struggle!

anita