Dear Adam:

If you are back here, please do post again.

* Dear Dina (and David):

I thought more about what you wrote above: “Every time I give and advise and try to help, I think there is a part of me with a personal motivation as well. A part of me that wants confirmation in my actions, ways of thinking, and choices…” And again, you gave me an opportunity to learn something important.

When I became so eager to … convince Adam that his girlfriend is dishonest and manipulative, my eagerness came from my own personal motivation to confirm that my own mother was indeed dishonest and manipulative and that indeed I have the right to feel angry at her and that indeed I had the right to cut all contact with her, as I have done.

That is the eagerness. At one point I found enough commonality between his girlfriend and my mother and projected my mother into his girlfriend and… myself into Adam. My goodness! I bet psychotherapist have lots of classes about this natural “transference” occurrence that they have to watch for!

Thank you again, Dina. You comments and input here is really, in reality, very helpful to me.

anita