Dear Amelia_R:

I noticed the troubling shift between: he (the boyfriend) did something wrong (ongoing drug use and lying to you) to: I (Amelia) am doing something wrong: not trusting him, harassing him, being paranoid and whatnot. This is where the trap is: he manipulated you to turn the blaming finger at yourself and you took it in and doing it yourself. Now the situation is (not entirely, I hope) set to you taking the blame and therefore the job is for you to straighten out your own self so that the relationship can work. What a twisting of reality!

For him to heal from his addiction and other issues, he needs to take full responsibility for his issues and not blame you. Any hint of him blaming you is an indication that he is not on the path of healing.

If I was you, I would take time off from this relationship, at the least, separate for a per-determined time and wait and see how he progresses in healing… if he does (communicate at times and check on what actions he is taking, support groups he is attending, different people he is associating with) and at the same time you can get together with the other guy and explore that possibility.

anita