i am going to come back to this because i’m tutoring my cousin at the moment and don’t have much internet connection. but when and while i liked him he was already…occupied. and then he liked all these other girls. i felt like you said, unlovable. unable to be loved by him. and i felt that i just had to wait till he was done with all those people so i could be considered. sure i had about 3 crushes in the midst of it all, but i was still waiting and confused. i wasn’t as smart as i am now. maybe i’m still stupid. but i felt like i had to find someone else because he had all these other people in his face and i wasn’t doing a good enough job to shine like they did.